Ever wonder why you do certain things in relationships? Why you push people away, or chase them, or get anxious when they don't text back?
Your attachment style—how you relate to others emotionally—is a big part of the answer.
This quiz is based on attachment research and will help you identify your primary attachment style. There are no "bad" styles, just different patterns of relating.
Take the Quiz
Read each statement and score yourself:
- Strongly Disagree = 1
- Disagree = 2
- Neutral = 3
- Agree = 4
- Strongly Agree = 5
Secure Attachment Indicators (Questions 1-5)
1. I feel comfortable depending on others and having others depend on me. 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5
2. I don't worry much about being abandoned or about someone getting too close. 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5
3. I'm comfortable expressing my feelings and asking for support. 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5
4. I can easily trust that my partner cares about me. 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5
5. I feel secure in my relationships. 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5
Anxious Attachment Indicators (Questions 6-10)
6. I worry about being abandoned or not being loved enough. 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5
7. I need constant reassurance and closeness from my partner. 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5
8. I often feel anxious when my partner is distant or busy. 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5
9. I have difficulty believing my partner truly loves me. 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5
10. I feel hurt when my partner doesn't prioritize me. 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5
Avoidant Attachment Indicators (Questions 11-15)
11. I'm uncomfortable with closeness and emotional intimacy. 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5
12. I need a lot of independence and space in relationships. 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5
13. I prefer not to discuss my feelings or vulnerabilities. 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5
14. I feel suffocated when someone wants to be too close. 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5
15. I often feel relief when relationships end. 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5
Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Indicators (Questions 16-20)
16. I want closeness but am afraid of being hurt. 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5
17. I cycle between wanting intimacy and needing distance. 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5
18. I don't trust that others will be there for me. 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5
19. I struggle with intense emotions in relationships. 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5
20. I fear both abandonment and being trapped. 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5
Score Interpretation
Add your scores for each section:
- Secure subscore (Q1-5): ___
- Anxious subscore (Q6-10): ___
- Avoidant subscore (Q11-15): ___
- Fearful-avoidant subscore (Q16-20): ___
Your Attachment Profile
Secure dominant (highest score in Q1-5): You're comfortable with intimacy and independence. You trust in relationships and can express your needs. This is the most adaptable attachment style.
Anxious dominant (highest score in Q6-10): You value closeness and fear abandonment. You might pursue partners or need reassurance. Your challenge is developing self-reliance alongside your relational needs.
Avoidant dominant (highest score in Q11-15): You value independence and feel uncomfortable with intense closeness. You might pull away when relationships deepen. Your challenge is increasing your comfort with vulnerability.
Fearful-avoidant dominant (highest score in Q16-20): You want connection but fear it. You cycle between pursuing and withdrawing. Your challenge is managing the anxiety and developing nervous system stability.
Mixed Profiles
You might have two high scores. For example:
- Anxious + Avoidant = You want closeness but pull away when you get it
- Anxious + Secure = You tend toward anxious but have some secure tendencies
- Avoidant + Secure = You value independence but can be intimate in safe contexts
Mixed profiles are common and often depend on the relationship or context.
What Your Attachment Style Means
Secure Attachment
Strengths:
- Comfortable with vulnerability
- Can ask for needs to be met
- Trust your partner's intentions
- Comfortable being alone and with others
Growth areas:
- You're generally good to go; focus on choosing partners with similar attachment security
Anxious Attachment
Strengths:
- Feel emotions deeply
- Pursue connection and intimacy
- Dedicated to relationships
- Good at noticing partner's needs
Growth areas:
- Learn self-soothing and independence
- Develop confidence in your worth
- Practice not pursuing; give space
- Build a fulfilling life outside relationships
Avoidant Attachment
Strengths:
- Independent and self-reliant
- Comfortable setting boundaries
- Can think logically through problems
- Not easily codependent
Growth areas:
- Practice vulnerability in safe relationships
- Learn that closeness doesn't mean loss of self
- Develop emotional expression
- Stay present when things get intimate
Fearful-Avoidant Attachment
Strengths:
- Deep awareness of your complexity
- Feel emotions intensely
- Can deeply connect when safe
- Often introspective
Growth areas:
- Work on nervous system regulation
- Learn to tolerate contradictions (wanting and fearing closeness)
- Develop secure base (therapist, safe people)
- Practice consistent communication
Can Your Attachment Style Change?
Yes. Attachment styles aren't fixed. You can develop "earned security" through:
- Therapy (especially attachment-focused)
- Consistent, safe relationships
- Self-awareness and intentional practice
- Healing from past wounds
Most people have a primary style but show different styles in different relationships or contexts.
Next Steps
After taking this quiz:
- Reflect on how this shows up in your relationships. Do you recognize these patterns?
- If you identified as anxious or avoidant, read the relevant Sentari posts.
- Consider what your opposite attachment style might look like in your partner. Are you compatible?
- If you want to develop more security, therapy (especially attachment-focused) is incredibly valuable.
Key Takeaways
- There are four main attachment styles: Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, and Fearful-Avoidant.
- Your style is learned, not innate, and it can change.
- Secure attachment is the goal, but understanding your current style is the first step.
- Many people have mixed profiles depending on the relationship or context.
- Attachment style is one factor in relationship success, but not the only one.
FAQ
Is secure attachment the only "good" style? Secure is the most adaptable, but all styles can function. The question is whether your style and your partner's style are compatible.
If I'm anxious and my partner is avoidant, is our relationship doomed? Not necessarily. But it takes awareness and intentional work from both people to avoid the pursue-withdraw cycle.
Can I change my attachment style? Yes, through therapy, safe relationships, and self-awareness. It takes time, but earned security is real.
What if I don't fit neatly into one category? That's normal. Most people are combinations. You might be anxious in romantic relationships but secure with friends.
Does my childhood attachment predict my adult attachment? Usually, yes. But again, it can change through therapy and supportive relationships.
Related Reading
- Anxious Attachment Style: Signs, Triggers, and Healing
- Avoidant Attachment Style: Signs, Root Causes, and the Science
- Dismissive Avoidant vs Fearful Avoidant: Key Differences
- The Anxious-Avoidant Trap: Why These Types Attract
- Self-Soothing for Anxious Attachment
Knowing your attachment style is the first step to changing it.